i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
