new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
