Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
