I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
