Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
