Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
