But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
