We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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