I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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