i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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