The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
