just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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