Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We left the knife in your bed.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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