it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
