Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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