You were right. It hurts to walk today.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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