Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
