We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
