So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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