Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
