we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
