dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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