I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
