whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
