I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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