Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
