I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
