My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
