i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So squirting runs in the family.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
