the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
