The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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