I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
