You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
