Sponge bath it is.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
