this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
