i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
