Swine flu. Run for my life!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
