Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
