No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
this just has baby written all over it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I pour the whiskey from now on
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
