# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
