Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
