He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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