so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
