There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
