Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
