BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
