Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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