The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
