She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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