Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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