when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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