Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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