the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
