I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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