so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
