he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
