Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
