I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
