you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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