i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
