Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is my gift to your gina
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
