just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
