i barfeds in our rink
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Can you bring me the toilet please
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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