I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
