Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize